How to make friends as an adult, 20 ways

This page gives 20 ways to make friends as an adult, from finding the right places to turning a pleasant chat into a plan. The idea behind them is that friendship comes from repeated, low-pressure contact plus one person being willing to suggest the next meeting.

We put the ways in the order friendships usually happen: find your places, start talking, follow up, deepen. If you are new to a city, read this with how to make friends in a new city. The wider skill is covered in making friends.

Where should you look for friends?

Look for places you can return to on a schedule, since friendship needs repeated contact.

1. Join something that meets weekly

Pick a class, club, team or volunteer shift that happens at the same time each week. You will see the same faces, and familiarity does the early work for you.

2. Choose an activity with a task

Cooking, climbing, pottery and running clubs give you something to do together. Conversation arrives more easily when your hands are busy.

3. Stay past the first month

Most people quit before the group feels familiar. Commit to at least six meetings before you decide whether it is for you.

4. Use the places you already go

Notice the regulars at your gym, café or dog park. Being a regular yourself is how you become known. Start with a nod, then a word, then a name, and let each visit add a little.

5. Say yes to invitations

Accept the work drinks, the neighbour’s barbecue and the friend-of-a-friend party. Each one is a door, and you cannot know which one leads somewhere.

How do you start a conversation that goes somewhere?

Aim for one small, genuine exchange each time you attend, and let it build.

6. Begin with the shared setting

Comment on what you are both doing: the class, the route, the food. It is a natural entry that does not need a clever line.

7. Ask for a story, not a fact

“How did you get into this?” beats “Do you like it?” The first opens a story, and the second gets a yes. See how to make small talk with strangers for more openers.

8. Learn and use names

Ask, repeat, and use their name once in the conversation. It helps you remember, and it shows you care.

9. Share something small about yourself

Give a little back after each answer. Friendship needs both people to reveal something, and a modest disclosure invites another.

10. Leave on a high

End the conversation while it is still good, with “I will see you next week”. A clean exit makes people want another chat.

How do you turn an acquaintance into a friend?

The step most people skip is the invitation. Someone has to suggest the next meeting, and it can be you.

11. Make the invitation specific

Say “want to grab a coffee after class on Thursday?” not “we should hang out sometime”. A day, place and time is easy to accept.

12. Keep the first invitation small

Coffee, a walk or a lunch takes an hour and costs little. If it goes well, you can suggest something longer next time.

13. Follow up within a day or two

Send a short message: “Good to talk today, hope your week goes well.” It shows you enjoyed it and keeps the thread alive.

14. Expect some no’s

People are busy. A “no” is usually about their week, not you, so suggest another time once and let it be.

15. Suggest a second meeting before the first ends

Say “we should do this again, are you free next week?” Plans made in the moment are more likely to happen, because nobody has to start the awkward negotiation later.

How do you deepen a friendship?

Deeper friendship comes from consistency and honesty, in small doses.

16. Be the one who keeps in touch

Text first, remember birthdays and check in after big events. Many friendships fade because both people are waiting for the other to write.

17. Remember what they told you

Ask about the interview, the move or the sick relative. Following up on details shows you were listening.

18. Share something a little more real

Mention a worry or a small struggle. Trust builds when both people share more than the surface.

19. Do things together, not only talk

Cook, hike, help with a move. Shared experiences make memories that conversation alone does not.

20. Be reliable in small ways

Show up when you say you will. Friendships rest on trust, and trust rests on small kept promises.

What if it feels awkward or you keep hitting walls?

Some awkwardness is normal, and it fades with repetition. If you find yourself freezing at the opener or replaying conversations, that is a skill you can train, not a fixed trait. Keep your first goals small: one conversation per event, one invitation per month. Those numbers sound modest, and over a year they add up to a dozen invitations and many more conversations. Friendship is slow, and slow is fine.

How can you practise this before it counts?

You can practise the awkward parts in advance. Write your opener and invitation lines, and say them out loud. Rehearse with a friend, or record yourself and check how it sounds. A club or class gives you real repetition in a safe setting.

Volo, a mobile app, has roleplays for these steps: “Introducing yourself at a party”, “Turning a chance run-in into plans” and “Reconnecting with an old friend”. The coach grades three goals and quotes your own lines. What To Say has scripts in warm, playful or direct tones, including Breaking the Ice and Graceful Exits.